Mathieu Debuchy signs for Arsenal – Bring on the Trumpets
If ever a player was made for our current squad, then the diminutive Gaul is he.
French. Racy Full-Back. Giroud-inspired floppy hair. ‘Bromance’ with the aforementioned chiselled philanderer. Replaced Bacary in Didier Deschamps Les Bleus. It was inevitable that he would saunter his way into Colney. More inevitable than United’s Bebe eventually plying his panpipe trade outside the Carrington training ground, selling £10 CD’s to former team mates. But for such an inevitability, as fans, we still worried.
The links with the man whose surname sounds like a Jamaican pointing out a ladygarden, had been doing the rounds for a while. Like that illusive midgie in your room just as you’ve found your comfy spot in bed, the stories and transfer-fuelled tosh seemed intent on buzzing around us and amping up tension. It is ridiculously difficult to avoid such swill when you tweet on a regular basis. Videos, Vines, direct quotes from the players babysitter from 20 years ago swamp the social networks and eventually, the spurious stories will grind your resolve down until you are but a husk of your former self, sitting in the corner with your laptop, which plays a continuous loop of a YouTube compilation of the aforementioned player, whilst you doodle pictures of him. You’ve been broken.
I admit, even after suffering 3rd degree mental burns from believing we were signing M’Vila, Cavani, Higuain et al, I still crumbled like a cheap pastie and did a bit of research on ole’ Mathieu.
It seems we have quite a player on our hands ladies and gents. He is 5”10, which is considerably taller than I thought he was (level with R2D2, the TV is very misleading ), yet he won more aerial duels than ANY defender in the Premier League last season who had made 15 or more appearances. I’m still struggling to comprehend this to be honest. That means he outleapt the BFG last season. Has he got Go-Go Gadget Football Boots?
That is an indicator of the sheer athleticism of the man. It takes a mammoth amount of strength in those little pins of his to not only match the height of the opposing leaper, but to also beat him. Not only that, it shows he hasn’t been affected by spending all that time in the land of ‘Geordie Shore’. The guy must time his jumps to perfection. This all bodes well for us as Sagna was a pillar of strength when it came to heading ability.
So, I think I’ve waxed lyrical about Debuchy’s bonce. What else does he have in his locker besides copious amounts of brylcreem? Well, I read a quote from one of the many Supporter Groups for Newcastle which was released when the initial swarm of links rose to the twitter surface, which stated that our new Number 2 ( ha! A real number 2!! ) was “ Newcastle’s best player of last season”. Not exactly the most difficult of tasks seeing as the Toon voted Audrey “the snack-trolley lad” in at Number 2. Seeing as how Pardew’s French Legion spent approximately 23 years and 6 days of last season on the back foot, it only illuminates our Mathieu in a favourable light.
When Debuchy was announced, I did see a few negative tweets surrounding his capture. I think that is more than fair. Unless we signed Alexis Sanchez ( Oh YES, we DID DIDN’T WE!!!! ) then you will never get 100% positive noise from supporters. It takes a lot to convince everyone.
The reason I took umbrage over one specific comment is that they were questioning his defending. I cannot think why. There is no evidence to suggest Debuchy is easier to get past than a blindfolded mole who’s imbibed too much tequila, but that is more or less what was being suggested.
I stepped in, armed valiantly with stats to assuage the growing quell of angst. I hit them with some stat-infused science. That should’ve been the end of that, but my belief that numbers make the world go round wasn’t shared by others. Debuchy is more than strong enough at the back. Going forward is his main asset, his weapon of choice however. One of the oft-used sticks to beat Bac with when he had had a shocker was his insistence on delivering crosses straight to the first defender at the front post.
According to a sciencetrends 카지노 사이트 post, it was like a hobby he could pursue at work. Mathieu though, he has an eye for distribution. If Sagna was Royal Mail, then Debuchy is UPS. 1st Class. With Scarlett Johansson as Delivery Girl.
I may have gotten a tad carried away there, but you see the point I was valiantly attempting to make. As an attacking supplement, he is the Balls. Our Full-Backs bombing down the wings is one of our signature moves, sometimes to our detriment, but it’s quite a sight to see. Now imagine that but with a quicker, more insightful Sagna that can also defend ably. Hello Debuchy!
I do find it a shame that the Brass-Band, cake and party games that was used to herald the signing of Alexis Sanchez wasn’t used for Mathieu. I know the level of excitement for Alexis’ arrival was tantamount to rabies-induced frothing (I can testify to this, there is still a stain on the couch that won’t begone ) but Mathieu is a signing that was mandatory. It was either that or Jenkinson who needs to be left in the oven to cool down before he’s fully cooked.
Aurier I hear you bellow? What a player, but if Arsene has complete confidence in the development of CJ and Hector Bellerin, then surely he has more awareness and nous than us? I trust his judgment. Not that he is impervious to error, far from it, we have suffered at the hands of such boo-boos. I am of the opinionthat he knows more than us and I’m more than satisfied that he is at the tiller of the magnificent liner we call Arsenal Football Club. It’s just a shame none of the party favours were left over from the Sanchez party. I’d have loved an Arsenal Party Hat. Bienvenue Mathieu Debuchy. Do the Cannon proud.
@JokmanAFC
