Arsenal’s All Time Flop XI
It certainly is a quiet time in Arsenal-land. There is no football to speak of and social media is nothing more than speculation about transfers and when if at all football will resume. With nothing better to occupy our time, we’ve decided it would be fitting for us to do one of those all-star starting XIs we all rant about.
I know. I know. What the world really needs right now at this moment is another starting XI than no one can agree on. I am bored and need to write about something, so I’ve decided to do my starting XI with a twist.
I mean, all-star combinations of the combined XI of Arsenal and whatever big club we’re playing are so blasé. And really, who needs the best Arsenal XI of all time? We’ve been there, right? What we really need is a stroll down amnesia lane and remember the all time flops that have graced us in the last 20 or so years.
Why did I pick the last 20 or so years? Well, my memory isn’t what it once was and I can barely remember what I had for breakfast yesterday. That and the fact that in the last 20 or even 10 years we’ve had some tremendous flops.
Well, without any further ado, here it is, what you’ve all been waiting for – the Arsenal All Time Flop XI.
GOALKEEPER – Manuel Almunia
Our first selection was a battle between David Ospina (who can forget the keeper who tries to make saves behind the goal line) and Almunia. It is the Spanish keeper who wins the spot over the Columbian.
He was signed in 2004 as the back up to Jens Lehmann. Even though he had made his debut that season against Birmingham City, it was in the 20th minute of the UEFA Champion’s League where the spotlight would be shone upon him. When he replaced Lehmann when the German keeper was sent off.
Throughout his time at Arsenal, they would fitter with winning the title, but it would be their keeper who would keep them out of the silverware. His tenure was capped off by a match in 2010 against West Brom when he conceded a penalty, let a weak shop in on the near post, and was caught out of position for the third goal.
RIGHT BACK – Stephan Lichtsteiner
Are we convinced he actually played for Arsenal? He lasted for just a season. He was signed supposedly as cover for Hector Bellerin and for his leadership and winning mentality.
It didn’t help.
It never looked like he cared. Most of the times he did see the pitch he seemed all over the place and couldn’t close down the opposition.
Emmanuel Frimpong said it best, “OUR NUMBER 2 is bloody awful”
Sadly, more can’t be written about his time at Arsenal because there wasn’t anything to it.
CENTER BACK – IGOR STEPANOVS
Maybe the most telling sign that Stepanovs may have been the worst CB we’ve had is that according to Ray Parlour – he was signed as a laugh.
For Ray’s rather hilarious anecdote on the signing of Stepanovs. But it would be in the 6-1 loss to Manchester United that Stepanovs would cement his place as possibly the worst defender ever at Arsenal. And the thing was – he never got any better.
Still, it was the loss at Manchester United, where Dwight Yorke would ask Parlour, “Where the hell did you get that centre-half from?” Parlour could only answer, “Look, it’s a long story.”
CENTER BACK – SEBASTIEN SQUILLACI
Giving Igor Stepanovs a run for his money is no small feat but that is precisely what the French center back did, thinking they were signing an experienced back Arsenal couldn’t imagine he’d turn into one of their biggest flops ever.
Without a scintilla of pace or skill and making mistakes after mistakes in each match he’d play in. Things were so bad for the Frenchman that in the 2013 season he only managed to make one appearance – in a Capital One League Cup match. After three seasons he would manage a measly 39 appearances – 32 of which would come in his first season alone.
LEFT BACK – ANDRE SANTOS
Who can forget that half time walk when losing to Manchester United, Robin Van Persie’s Manchester United in fact, he had the audacity to ask the former Arsenal striker to swap shirts.
His judgement was as poor as his play. He arrived in the same whirlwind transfer window that would bring in Arteta, Mertesacker, Benayoun, and another of our misfits we’ll talk about later Park Ju Young.
He started well enough but steadily declined as time went on. Problem is, that for a LB in a league that needs pace, he had none. And without any pace, he should’ve known better than going on his attacking walkabout, getting caught constantly out of position. And who can forget that display in the Group Stages against Schalke? Oof.
When he returned to Brazil, first on loan and then permanently it was a move widely cheered.
DEFENSIVE MIDFIELDER – EMMANUEL FRIMPONG
We should’ve known that there would be problems when he came to Arsenal from Tottenham at age nine. He would only make six appearances for the Gunners and each worse than the one before. In his first career start against Liverpool (he came on as a sub the week before) he would be sent off for two yellow cards.
His time at Arsenal can only be remembered really for two things – his catchphrase he coined on social media – “DENCH” and that facepalm he gave to Samir Nasri while the French midfielder was playing for City.
CENTRAL MIDFIELDER – DENILSON
The sad thing about Denilson is that when he came to Arsenal it was likely because Wenger saw some promise in him, with the manager saying he was something between Rosicky and Gilberto.
Denilson may be one of the few “flops” on here who had shown some real promise but because of his off the field loneliness never really grew into England. His career would end in five years without him really reaching his potential.
CENTRAL ATTACKING MIDFIELDER – DENIS SUAREZ
Is it me or did we sign two players during the short-lived Emery era who never saw much playing time? I mean what can you really write about Suarez? He was here. That’s about it.
Signed on the request of the head coach, likely as a means to push (or push out) Mesut Özil, he didn’t do that and in fact, he never really saw the pitch and when he did, it showed why the Gunners needed the German in the lineup all the more.
Like many things of the Emery era, he should just be forgotten and not spoken of.
LEFT-WING – GERVINHO
I have a confession, I thought he was going to be a star. That ended when in his first match against Newcastle, he got sent off after a sissy slap to Joey Barton (I mean if you’re gonna do it. . .)
Who can forget the endless runs down the line only for the ball to go out of play? And if you can believe it (or care to remember for that matter) his finishing was worse than his dribbling. As one article put it, “Gervinho was the heavy metal wide man who at the climax of his 200bpm solo, forgot how to play his instrument nine times out of 10.”
RIGHT-WING – JOEL CAMPBELL
More hype than hope, the Costa Rican winger was signed off the back of an impressive performance in the World Cup.
It seems strange to think he was on the Arsenal books for seven seasons. However, in those seven seasons, he only made 40 first-team appearances netting a total of three goals. All of those came in one season.
You always thought he would break out – he’d go on one of those runs with the ball only to have nothing come of it and leave you shrugging or cursing depending on your mood at the time.
STRIKER – PARK CHU-YOUNG
Told you we would get to him. This may be the most curious of all signings at Arsenal. We cannot figure out what it was that led Arsene Wenger to sign him. There must have been a reason why Arsene plucked him from Lille. Right?
During his time at the Emirates, Park would only see seven minutes of league playing time in his first six months at Arsenal. Even after Chamakh and Gervinho would go off to the Africa Cup of Nations and Arsenal were short – he still didn’t play.
To this day no one knows why or how he wound up at Arsenal and some of us never even knew he left.
HONORABLE MENTION
Clive Allen – played 3 pre-season matches and no more
Francis Jeffers – sent off in 2003 Community Shield – never heard from again
Richard Wright – remembered for punching the ball into his own net v Charlton
Kaba Diawara – left Arsenal after 5 months never finding the back of the net. Never.
Pascal Cygan – played like a lumbering robot
Ian Ure – 1969 miss-hit pass to the keeper in League Cup final that led to the loss
Gus Casear – When Nick Hornby calls you the worst Gunner ever, you probably are
