A-Z of why the Transfer Window is annoying.

Ed note: I’ve always tried to find great content providers to fill these spaces because I know you all grow weary of my own writing. Hell, I grow tired of my own writing. That is why I am really excited to bring this piece to you. Myles Burrell is a young Gooner whom I go back and forth with on twitter on a variety of topics. He is witty and sharp and when I saw he had wrote this piece for someone, I read it and immediately had to ask his permission to reprint it here. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did and let’s hope Myles will come back and write some stuff specifically for YAMA. You can follow Myles on twitter at @MylesBurrell. –  DAG

———————————————–

I dislike the transfer window because it’s a load of rubbish, especially if you’re an Arsenal fan. And what makes it worse are those delinquents who pretend they’re “in the know” (ITK) even though it’s just some greasy nerd behind a computer screen begging for followers on Twitter. So without further ado, here is my A-Z of why transfer windows are annoying:

A – Arsenal. As a Gooner, it’s hard being conscious during the transfer window as we very rarely sign players. Graveyards are more pro-active than the Arsenal transfer department.

B – Blank cheque. If you support Real Madrid, Man City, Man Utd, Chelsea, Anzhi etc. you’ll be familiar with this concept. It is UNFAIR that you can just buy your way to success, and highlights that football is becoming more and more based around money, and not players’ love for the game.

C – Contract talks seem to take FOREVER, I know it’s not meant to be a quick process, but you have to criticise a system that takes up valuable time just so the player and his agent can get a little extra cash? I mean, it must be terrible trying to provide for your family on a measly £50,000 a week.

D – Deadline Day, in my opinion, should be a national holiday. It’s far too stressful to handle along with work/school/college whatever. But a royal wedding? Oh let’s all have a day off. Deadline day (Feb 1^st/Aug 31^st) tends to make football fans boil over with excitement. The Arshavin deal in 2009 was a particular highlight.

E – Exaggeration of stories. “Reports suggest that [club] are interested in [player] …” gets turned into “… [player] will sign for [club] within the next few days.”

F – Foreign leagues are cheaper, but nobody realises, and that for me is a complete shame. Look at Newcastle’s signing of Cabaye, he was £4.3million. A player from the Premier League with the same (or worse) ability would go for much much more. Prime example: Michael Carrick from Tottenham to Man Utd for £18million.

G – Greed. Many players move because they want more money, Samuel Eto’o is a perfect example. A player, who was appreciated at Inter Milan, was seen as a world class and playing in one of the most prestigious leagues in the world. But he left that all behind for £350,000 a week at Anzhi Makhachkala.

H – Hindrance, the progress of youngsters who have been affected by transfers is usually hindered. Whether a big player has come in and taken their place, or a young player has been snapped up by a big club, and then not used (Oxlade-Chamberlain).

I – ITKs, people who pretend they’re “in the know.” What use do these people have? None, they mislead fans and get them excited/frustrated over absolutely nothing at all. On Twitter it seems these people only exist during the transfer windows, so what, they just curl up and hibernate for several months until the next window opens? Idiots.

J – January, probably the most scary month of the year for most small clubs, who could have their star player whisked away from them at any moment, only to have to replace said player with an inadequate replacement. But then for the big teams it’s just “let’s offload everyone who is surplus to requirements and then buy new players!” The seed cuts both ways.

K – Knowledge, or in this case, lack of. Some people seem to think that if a player is good on FIFA, he’s the one to lead your team to glory. Some people think that if he played well in one match, we should sign him before someone else does. Also, saying “yeah he’s alright” to a player you’ve never heard of is just stupid.

L – Long. It’s long, nothing else to say, it is quite simply: long.

M – Money, not surprisingly the main interest of Samir Nasri also plays a huge part in transfer windows. I don’t like this; sometimes clubs take it way too far and just end up annoying their fans. Although admittedly, paying £35m for Carroll (Liverpool) and £50m for Torres (Chelsea) is hilarious, being as they are both rubbish. If your club has more money than sense, transfer windows are a pain in the backside.

N – Nationality. English players tend to cost five or six times more than what they’re actually worth (Andy Carroll, Stewart Downing, Jordan Henderson… noticing the trend?). But then a player from Colombia (for examples sake) may get overlooked just because he isn’t from a renowned footballing nation.

O – Overreactions from fans when their team signed a player: “OH MY GOD HE IS AMAZING WE ARE GOING TO WIN THE LEAGUE!!!!!” or “HE’S RUBBISH SACK THE MANAGER FOR WASTING OUR MONEY” etc, etc.

P – Personal terms. I don’t like personal terms. Why should personal terms (living, wages, involvement in the team etc) hold up a transfer deal? If you’re a player and you’re reading this (highly unlikely) then DO your research before making my month longer than it needs to be. If you’re keen on a move, you move, if you don’t want to leave your family behind/move them out of their comfort zone, then don’t move.

Q – Questionable. Sometimes you think to yourself “why on earth did we sign/sell him?!”

R – Repetition. Quite often you hear the same story from about eight different sources, and then you start to think to yourself: “maybe it’s true!” Then deadline day passes and you haven’t signed said player. Disappointment.

S – Sky Sports. This lot seem to do whatever’s necessary to annoy me during the transfer window. Whether it’s showing on their news channel that Arsenal haven’t signed anyone, or posting on their website “our sources understand”… YOUR SOURCES UNDERSTAND NOTHING. It’s all rumours. So many media institutions get transfers wrong. Don’t believe anything until your club has announced it.

T – Tapping up: search “Harry Redknapp” or “FC Barcelona” for more details.

U – Ugly, transfer windows can get really ugly. Look at the way Barcelona handled the Fabregas transfer, or how Tottenham behaved this summer during the Modric ordeal.

V – Viral. I know the transfer windows are exciting, but this excitement spreads like a disease! People go crazy, start believing stupid things, making knee jerk reactions and even maybe horrendously inaccurate transfer prediction. However, the latter can be quite amusing at times.

W – Worrying. Deep down, in the back of your mind there’s always a worry that your star man will leave, or your manager will sign someone who is nothing but an utter waste of money.

X – Xenophobic: see “F – Foreign”

Y – Youngsters. As an Arsenal fan it’s hard to go through a transfer window without being linked to a “highly rated youngster” about seventeen times a day. I don’t want a highly rated youngster; I want an established player that will improve my team! In addition, I think it’s a bit harsh on the selling club to have a young player plucked from their grasp mid-season. Let him develop without being messed about for ages!

Z – Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. At the end of the day, it’s all a bit boring.