Rumor Mill Roundup, Week 6: Moving on from Jamie Vardy

OK, so, the last time we checked in on the tumultuous transfer scene, Jamie Vardy looked set for a move to the Emirates, Wojciech Szczesny would stay in Italy, and Romelu Lukaku was about to make bank. Just over a month later, well, not much has changed: Vardy stuck with Leicester City and the rest of Arsenal’s rabid fanbase has set to searching for the next big transfer.

The only problem is that many of rumors surfing the internet seas are, to be blunt, stone-cold lies, blatant misreporting, and full of “ITK” knowledge. There’s where YAMA comes in — we’ve delved through the articles and hearsay to find you the five best rumors to pay attention to this week.

5. Gabriel Barbosa, Santos

This is a strange one, first reported by a semi-random source on Twitter and then picked up by ESPN FC, but the pacy Brazilian forward has been linked with a move to Arsenal. Wenger can be a strange beast during transfer season, never really opting for the young wunderkid target over the established-but-not-too-old (sorry, Gonzalo) player. Is anything different for Arsenal this time around? Somebody like Gabriel could be the perfect foil aside Olivier Giroud and the club could plan for whatever the opposing defense throws at them.

However, this seems like a move outside of Wenger’s comfort zone and, if he opts for a striker, maybe, hopefully, this is the year that he goes big and opens the wallet.

Rating: The same chance that adding a second Gabriel to the club will make the first Gabriel more handsome: 0/10

4. Romelu Lukaku, Everton:

Let’s check in with our favorite Belgian striker, Mr. Lukaku. Here’s the thing about rumors: sometimes, even within all the lies, deceit, and creative imaginations, there can be some semblance of the truth. The same facts that were compelling in the Vardy saga ring true here: Manchester City have Sergio Aguero, Spurs have Harry Kane, and Leicester have kept the aforementioned flip-flopper. If Lukaku wants Champions League, that cuts out Chelsea and Manchester United for now and Liverpool is barely an upgrade on Everton.

Elsewhere, he’s likely not good enough for top clubs like Real Madrid, Barcelona, and Bayern Munich — so unless Juventus or Paris Saint Germain get involved, Arsenal actually does make some sense. Either way, with Belgium marching on in the European Championships, it could be sometime before more is revealed here.

I say this because you should take this link with a grain of salt — The Mirror is highly unreliable and their source Emanuele Giulianelli, one of the internet’s biggest ITK frauds, makes this simply laughable.

Rating: The chance Giulianelli actually gets a transfer rumor right: 0/10

3. Alexandre Lacazette, Lyon

In another alternate universe, Wenger signed Lacazette years ago and became the best French striker for Arsenal since Thierry Henry (sorry, Olivier), leading the club to many titles and Robin van Persie still to Turkey. However, Arsenal got Yaya Sanogo instead, Lacazette is now 25 years-old, and now West Ham are looking to him their big summer signing. If Wenger is truly interested, however, perhaps there’s potential in the target man in a platoon with Giroud. With 21 league goals in 2015-2016 and 27 the year prior, Lacazette could be an interesting addition, but with finishing skills on par with Theo Walcott’s, this one should be paid no further mind… for now.

Rating: The chance that this year, finally, is Walcott’s time to shine at striker: 4/10

2. Mario Gotze, Bayern Munich

Arsene loves sticking center midfielders on the wing, doesn’t he?

Gotze has fallen out of favor in Munich, much similarly to Joel Campbell’s rotation in the Arsenal side. For some reason, perhaps the World Class talent in front of him, Gotze has been shifted to the back of the pecking order and many believe he moved to an elite club too fast. Over the last month, Liverpool and Jurgen Klopp were allegedly interested in reuniting the pair from their Dortmund days, but interest has waned.

For what it’s worth Mundo Deportivo is typically a reliable source, but for Spanish transfers. Why they’d have any concrete and truthful info on Arsenal and a German international is beyond me, but it still tends itself more credence than, say, The Mirror. Besides, if he joins up, he can join the long list of center midfielders shunted to the wings, along with Aaron Ramsey and Jack Wilshere!

1. Ricardo Rodriguez, Wolfsburg

After a disappointing departure from the Round of 16 (at YAMA, we don’t discuss penalty kicks…), Ricardo Rodriguez is left in an interesting situation. With club captain Granit Xhaka off at London Colony, is he on the move next? Many consider Rodriguez a top ten back in the world, so what’s he still doing at Wolfsburg? Although his defensive tendencies may leave him a bit abused at the start, his whipped crosses sounds like a delight alongside Giroud. While Nacho Monreal delivers an alright ball from the flank, Hector Bellerin and Kieran Gibbs constantly flub kicks into the ninth row.

Either way, if Rodriguez is available, this is a call that Wenger needs to make. Come on, Ricardo, follow your friend to London!

Rating: The chances that he’d probably be photographed with Jack Wilshere smoking a cigarette within a year at Arsenal: 5/10

Bonus: Aaron Ramsey to Manchester United:

Yeah, not even going to touch this one — Jose’s having a laugh about this, huh? However, nothing would be better than rejecting Manchester United not once, but twice. Ramsey’s lifelong dreams seems to be leapfrogging to one of the big Spanish powers, just like his friend and Wales’ comrade Gareth Bale.

Mourinho may have unlimited pockets, but it’s safe to assume that Wenger selling one of his best players would rank next to nothing. And yet, he sold Arsenal Petr Cech for that exact amount last summer.

Rating: The chances that Aaron Ramsey’s self-inflicted Samri Nasri burns haven’t hurt his feelings, even if just a little: 0/10